


Alcohol, Nudity and a Tree

by sonofthanatos



Category: South Park
Genre: Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Nudity, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-10 22:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20535296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofthanatos/pseuds/sonofthanatos
Summary: Craig's perfect night meets the drunken fool known as Clyde.





	Alcohol, Nudity and a Tree

Craig leaned back in his room, totally relaxed. This was the best Friday night he'd had in a while.

He had the house to himself; Tricia had an appointment in Denver so both their parents took her to the city, so he got to enjoy a rare night to himself. Tweek had to work late tonight and early tomorrow, so they couldn't get together until Saturday night. Token and Jimmy were working on a project, Clyde was going to a party, and he could just look through his telescope, or play with Stripe, or put on a movie or do...really whatever he felt like.

He was in such a good mood he almost hummed as he took down his telescope; he had gotten a great look at Jupiter and even seen Saturn's rings! That was a rare treat for him; Tweek was more interested in the constellations so they usually watched the stars together rather than the planets.

Putting it away carefully he petted Stripe, then lifted him out of the little pen he had made and carried him back to his cage. Stripe chittered happily and chewed on a toy as Craig petted him again.

Going back downstairs, he glanced at the clock. Was it really almost 3 AM? Wow, the time had really gotten away from him. The best part was that he didn't even have to get up the next day; he could sleep the day away as long as he was up and ready by the time his family got home on Sunday. Cleaning up the little mess he had made, he headed upstairs again. Yawning contentedly, he pulled the covers down and started to pull his sweater off.

DING-DONG!!! DING-DONG!!! The doorbell began ringing and somebody began pounding on the door.

Craig froze. He could handle himself in a fight, but he wasn't sure he shouldn't just call the police. He pulled his sweater back on, opened his window slowly and cautiously peeked out, then let out a long-suffering sigh. "Clyde?"

"CRAIG!!!" Clyde shrieked. Craig frantically gestured for him to be quiet, then hurried to the front door. As soon as he opened it, Clyde fell into him; he smelled like a brewery. "HI CRAIG!!!"

Shutting the door, Craig held Clyde up. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to hang out! You were boring and didn't come to the party and I couldn't find a girl to go home with and Jimmy and Token are asleep and I saw your light on and I thought you were awake and YOU ARE!!!" 

Craig shushed him again, cursing himself. 5 minutes more and he would have been in bed with the lights out. "Ok, Clyde. Let's get you to bed."

"Ok. Where's Tweek? TWEEK!"

"He's at home in bed. He has to work early. Come on."

Clyde stumbled forward and Craig caught him, carefully helping him up the stairs. "Come on, Clyde."

"Is Tweek upstairs? He's awesome, you know."

"I know, and he's at home."

"He is. You are too!" Clyde threw his arms around Craig, who quickly braced himself to keep from falling down the stairs. "You're my best friend in the world, and I'm glad you found a guy like Tweek."

"Me too." Craig patted Clyde's back and helped him the rest of the way up the stairs. "I'm so lucky. I thought after we had that fight he'd hate me."

Clyde grinned at him. "He's incapable of hatred, and I knew that would get you. Trust you to fall for somebody after they kicked your butt."

"It was a tie." Craig insisted, helping Clyde into his room. "Ok, I'll grab extra sheets. You sit here." He sat Clyde on the bed, then went into his closet and pulled out some spare blankets and spread them on the floor along with an extra pillow.

Clyde nodded, then began pulling his clothes off. Craig shook his head and turned around, letting him get ready in peace. A pair of underwear flew past him and he stared at it in disgust. "Are you naked?" 

"It's hot in here! Besides, this is a little show for you and Tweek. Where is he?"

Craig rolled his eyes and gathered the strewn clothing, careful not to look at Clyde. "He's at his house."

"Wait. He's not here?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's late and he has to work in the morning."

"But he should be here!" Craig rolled his eyes at his friend and began folding the discarded clothes. "I'm going to get him!"

Craig nodded idly, starting to fold Clyde's shirt when the words caught up to him. Dropping the clothing on the floor he spun around, finding Clyde crawling out the window. Desperately he lunged at his friend, missing Clyde's ankle by an inch as the drunk boy managed to get onto the branch on the tree outside.

"Clyde!" He hissed. "Get back in here."

"I have to get Tweek!" Clyde leaned against the tree, yawning. His slurring was getting worse and it was harder and harder to understand him. "You need to be reu...re...runn...reun...together!"

"Tweek's coming now." Craig lied through his teeth. "Hurry and come inside and we'll meet him when he gets here."

Clyde nodded, leaning against the tree. "I will...just...jus lemme...." His eyes closed.

"Clyde! Don't you dare fall asleep!" 

"I won't...I just...need..." Clyde's voice trailed off.

Craig stared helplessly for a minute, running through his options. He didn't dare leave Clyde there; if he fell he'd get badly hurt. He could drag a mattress outside to catch him, but that was a major risk. He thought about and immediately decided against going after him; they could easily break the branch. They weren't kids anymore; Clyde was 18 now and Craig wasn't far behind.

More to feel productive than anything Craig pulled his phone out and took a picture. Heading downstairs, he stood at the base of the tree and took a few more, considering his choices.

He could bring out a ladder, but he was scared of dropping Clyde and hurting him. He could leave him there, or lay out pillows below him or...taking pictures from every angle, Craig knew that no matter what he did, the risk of Clyde hurting himself was too great.

Staring at his phone, Craig began to dial, resigning himself to the one hideous option he had left.

So much for his quiet night.

The street was lit up with lights. The fire department was setting up a ladder and safety net; an ambulance stood by in case of emergency; the police were there, officially to keep order, but in reality Craig suspected that they had heard the call on the radio and couldn't resist seeing it for themselves.

Clyde still hadn't moved, and a fireman slowly made his way up the ladder. The others stood below holding the net while he carefully took the drunk teenager and lifted him up. Craig watched tensely as the man slowly descended the ladder, his companions following with the net or holding the ladder in place. 

As they reached the bottom, the EMTs met them with the stretcher. They put Clyde on it, mercifully covering him with a blanket. 

"CLYDE!!! WHERE'S MY SON?!!!" 

Craig winced as Mr. Donovan barrelled onto the scene. He had obviously gotten dressed in a hurry; the police must have contacted him. He shot to Clyde like a magnet.

As the emergency personnel talked to him, assured him that Clyde was possibly suffering from alcohol poisoning and needed to be looked after, and the police used words like "underage drinking" and "ticket" Craig looked around, noting sourly that the spectacle had woken everybody up. Lights were on, doors were open, and everybody was staring at the Tuckers yard.

As Clyde was loaded into the ambulance, Mr. Donovan jumping in after him, the police came and spoke to Craig.

"Have you been drinking, young man?"

"No." Craig said flatly.

"So he just showed up like this?"

"He had clothes on. He was going to bed then climbed out the window."

The officers looked up and shook their heads, writing down what Craig told them.

When they finally left, Craig could barely move. It took all his energy and stubbornness to get back inside and lock the door. He carefully walked up the stairs, noting with shock it was 5 AM by now. He made his way up to his room, and noticed for the first time Clyde's clothes were still there.

Somehow that did it. The cops, fire department, ambulance, all his neighbours, disrupting his perfect night because his stupid, childish best friend had gotten drunk, gotten naked, and parked his naked butt on the tree outside, then got taken away without his clothes.

Craig closed his curtains as a smile slowly crossed his face. He began to shake. Falling to his knees, he buried his face in his bed and laughed hysterically. He couldn't breath he was laughing so hard. He pulled out his phone and stared at the pictures, hardly able to see them through the tears of laughter.

Oh, Clyde was going to regret this!


End file.
